_I'm sorry to have to break it to you, but the things you say probably don't matter very much.

Now, if you find it difficult to put things into words or suffer from an ongoing case of 'foot in mouth' disease, this may come as a bit of a relief. If you think I'm just being rude, read on... I promise, I'm not that kind of girl.

What I'm getting at is that, according to Gregory Bateson, the English anthropologist, social scientist and linguist, about 92% of communication is non-verbal – which means that in spite of the fact we place so much importance on the spoken word, what comes out of our mouth is only a very small part of the story.

_From dating to business, understanding body language is one of those not-so-secret weapons that allow us to make a call on what someone is thinking or feeling. We read the outward signs to know about the internal state - for example, arms folded may suggest defensiveness, finger tapping may be an indication of agitation or impatience and so on.

Body language is also something we know we can consciously manipulate to have an impact on someone else, for example by subtly mirroring their posture to establish rapport or using particular gestures while public speaking to enhance and add power and validity to our words.

But how often do you use your own body language as a way of understanding and managing yourself more effectively?

Your body will tell you what really matters
Emotions aren't thought processes. They come from the body. We don't decide to feel threatened, ecstatic or full of rage - they're spontaneous responses felt first, analysed second. In fact, from hot flushes of embarrassment to body-shaking anger to waves of deepest desire, feelings often spring up quite unexpectedly and take us by surprise.

Notice when these strong emotions arise. They are likely to appear at times when your key values and beliefs are being threatened or called into play. Consequently, emotions can indicate what's running you, what really matters.

It's beliefs and values that shape your decision-making, the way you communicate and how you live your life. Once you recognise what they are, you can decide whether they help or hinder you.

What rocks your world or rocks the boat?
We're often told to focus on a goal in order to find success – but how do you know if that goal is the right one?

Give yourself some space, think about that option, visualise it, hear, taste and breathe in the moment of achievement and if you feel your body light up from the inside out, feel heat in your chest or a quickening heart beat, you're probably on the right track.

By paying more attention to your internal physical state, you'll get some big clues as to what you need to do to get happy.

Next time you feel a strong negative emotion – sadness or anger for example – rather than hoping it will go away or trying to ignore it, take a moment to locate it in your body. You may be aware of heat in your chest or butterflies or mild sickness in the stomach. Focus on that part of the body. Be aware of the sensations and see what they tell you about those feelings. Chances are, you'll gain some clarity about the situation and feel calmer and more in control too. The body likes to be listened to.

Are you in a right state or a wrong state?
You've got a demanding day ahead of you. Would you rather be calm and centred or stressed and agitated? A simple question just to remind you that you do have the choice.

Get to know the signals in your body that tell you when you're not in your most productive or comfortable state. Focus on yourself for a minute and you might notice that your breathing is particularly shallow, there's a tightness in your chest or you just don't 'feel right' or steady inside. Your body is telling you that you need to help yourself out.

So start learning a few strategies that will replace negative with positive. Running, cycling, dancing, singing, meditation or generally getting creative are great ways to set a positive mental state. Sixty seconds spent breathing deeply, relaxing your shoulders, releasing tension and focusing on your goal can give you a meeting, a morning or even a day of calm, concentration and focus.

Get the body going, the rest will follow
You may not feel great, but 'pretending' that you do with some positive body language can be the start of something good. Look up, smile, pull your shoulders back, sit up straight or even stand up... These are movements that open up the chest and let the air in. They remove constrictions around the throat, neck and spine and give you a sense of being stronger and more in control.

You may also notice that there are specific gestures or postures that work really well for you. I find that pressing my fingertips lightly together gives me a sense of self connection. I don't really know why, except that, for me, it's a metaphor for self-reliance and focus. I also find that standing with my feet shoulder-width apart rather than together makes me feel steadier, not just physically but mentally too.

Ask a friend to watch you as you talk about something you're passionate about and tell you afterwards what they noticed about the gestures you use – and the next time you want to feel that same enthusiasm or recapture that passion, use those gestures again and notice what happens. You could even try exaggerating them slightly.

By getting curious about your own body, you not only engage in a more fulfilling dialogue with yourself but also tap into a world of physical resources that can literally change the way you experience your world.

_Is stress getting the better of you?
Are you in the right job?
Why isn't that diet working?
Is it love you're really feeling?
Are you missing something in your life?
Do you trust your own judgement? Are you sure?

Ask yourself these kinds of questions and your ingenious mind will come up with a number of possible answers and then it's a simple, rational process of deciding which one to...

Oh, but hang on – what happens if you don't have the clear-cut facts to help you make the call? What happens if emotions are getting in the way of rationale? What happens if you can't see the wood for the trees?

_Unfortunately, even the greatest mind isn't all it's cracked up to be. It ebbs and flows with the restlessness of oceans. Ask it to be quiet and it will whip up a violent storm of objections in the form of thoughts, doubts, frustrations and questions. It will race ahead into imaginings of the future, or hold back, tangling itself in memories and past experiences. Rarely does it rest peacefully and freely in the moment and give you the respite you need to see Now for what it really is.

Our body is the only part of us that is constantly, tangibly present on this earth, in the moment. It is the literal flesh and blood of our existence. If we don't inhabit it fully but choose instead to live in our heads, we miss out on the powerful, full-bodied experience of being human – the HD version of our lives.

And think about it - a High Definition TV has got a lot going for it:

• Vastly improved picture clarity with sharper images.
• Stunning colours and textures.
• Signals broadcast with surround sound.
• Incredible depth of field and image quality
• Internet connectivity means you can connect with friends and family as never before...

So what would it be like to live your life with the same clarity and focus?

What would it be like to be totally immersed in the vivid colours and textures of Now and not be distracted by a past you can't change or a future that may never exist?

What would it be like to know broader horizons and have a deeper understanding and appreciation of each moment as you live it?

What would it be like to connect with others as never before?

All this becomes possible when we stop ignoring our bodies and start listening instead. After all, isn't it the least we deserve – to listen to ourselves?

Become aware of the sensations within. How do you feel right now? How comfortable? How energised? How full? How warm? How stimulated? On a scale of 1-10, how happy?

Breathe deeply and let your body not your mind do the talking. It bypasses the judgements, criticism and assumptions of the brain and puts you in direct communication with:

• gut instincts and intuition that keep you safe and well and help you make great decisions
• heartfelt passions that will guide your career, your relationships and your future in the most fulfilling direction
• the creativity to express yourself fully
  
• self-awareness and emotional connectivity that will tell you a diet is about more than food and long-term stress relief doesn't involve propping up the bar again...

Being in the moment will give you your Now. The very latest HD version.

I want to tell you a story – one I originally heard from the rather brilliant Ken Robinson about a little girl in a drawing class.

She was 6, at the back of the room and the kind of little girl who rarely paid attention – but in this particular lesson she did.

The teacher was fascinated and went over to her and asked, "What are you drawing?" and the girl said, "I'm drawing a picture of God."

"But nobody knows what God looks like."

And the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

Why am I telling you this? Because it's a beautiful example of creativity with 100% conviction - the free-ranging potential of an untethered mind. Imagine that!

For children, imagination has room to roam. As we get older, we become aware of expectations, conventions and appropriate ways of behaving. We understand the ways of the world and start to feel embarrassed, shy or try to fit in – or purposely go against the flow out of anger, defiance or frustration rather than naturally and peacefully doing things differently.

Limitations and restrictions start creeping into the picture and put imagination into a self-conscious stranglehold, squashing the creativity that Ken Robinson believes is so vital – and he echoes Einstein who said: "Knowledge is limited, whereas imagination embraces the entire world, stimulating progress, giving birth to evolution".

However, we start thinking, rationalising, theorising and are respected for our maturity and sensible approach. The unpredictable, inflammatory, touchy feely imagination gets shunted into second place.

Of course, the world is not devoid of awe-inspiring creativity and self-expression – there are many people writing, composing, painting, filming, dancing, designing and sculpting amazing works of art - and creativity doesn't begin and end in the world of the artist either.

It can play a vital role in business, in negotiations and problem solving, in bringing up children, building and maintaining deep and satisfying relationships and creating a life that honestly and totally fulfils you...

Time for more creativity in your life?

The imagination of a child doesn't disappear. When we're in tune with our passions, our bodies, our selves, creativity follows as a natural impulse. There's no need to force it or be something you're not.

When Michelangelo was asked how he was able to create such beautiful sculptures, he replied that the sculpture was in the block of stone from the very beginning, he just had to chisel away everything else around it.

It's the same with our creativity. So what could you chip away to let yours shine?

It might be a limiting belief you have about yourself, an assumption you're making about a situation or simply the fact that you haven't given your creativity the time and space it needs to work its magic.

So why not get curious – and imagine what would happen if you did...

Image from: http://esquaredfashion.co.za/2009/04/20/springleap-the-creative-child-of-the-power-of-imagination/

The women's glossy magazine market: shiny page after shiny page of life as women know it. It gives us lifestyles to aspire to, some strong, powerful, successful female role models and plenty of helpful hints about the best way to orgasm, create a meal using in-season veg and holiday like the world's sexiest celebs.

It gives us a way to find out what other women are up to, what they have achieved and how they manage to look 10 years younger than they really are - without plastic surgery (although you know that's a quick-fix option too, right?). 

It gives a voice to those who know what it's like to lose a child/a husband/a job/their sanity and then rediscover love/purpose/their spiritual self/their mission in life or their ability to create interesting, stylish interiors.

There is much to be said for feeling connected, knowing that we're not alone, that others have experienced our problems and come out the other side, happier and stronger. The magazine world is about fighting our corner, standing up for who we are, how we live, what we believe in.

But while the words may give us one story, the images do something different. Flawless model perfection and fat-free celebrity thighs lurk around the editorial that urges us to love our bodies - and that flood of images repeats the same question over and over again: Are YOU measuring up as a woman? And if not, what are you going to do about it? 

Am I over-egging the pudding here? I mean, with all that positive lifestyle stuff, surely we're OK? We can't be knocked off balance by a few fashion shoots and some celebrity gossip - can we? And yet strangely, we are...

The average woman spends 31 years of her life trying to lose weight – and those involved in this multi-million pound diet industry are happy to give her all the support she wants (although clearly not the kind of support that actually works. 31 years? That's quite a diet plan!)

Then there are beauty products and, according to Vogue, "the pursuit of beauty has never been so easy". (Pursuit rather than achievement.) Helpfully, they also provide the model standard we should aspire to...

Of course, we recognise digital jiggery pokery when we see it, but on a subconscious level, is that what we're really thinking about when we look at those sylph-like, ethereal creatures with artificially-lengthened limbs? 

It's known that the more we see something, the more it becomes the norm - and for that reason, those images do more than sell clothes.

So when teenagers are bombarded with images of how their bodies are 'supposed' to look and they haven't even fully developed yet, when children are dressed up as adults and used to sell clothes to grown women who now, apparently, should aspire to having the body and face of an adolescent; when beauty is something we are told we achieve through what we buy rather than who we are, it becomes apparent that by giving this glossy space too much credence, women allow themselves to be sold horribly short (or fat, or lumpy or just not beautiful enough) because we don't look like someone else.

As a result, we waste ridiculous amounts of energy, consciously and subconsciously, focusing on what we're not – energy that could go elsewhere, into something positive, rather than twisting inwards like a knife in the gut. 

However, we live in a culture that's big on aesthetics. We like to smooth out rough edges, laughter lines, bulges and stretch marks. 

Only 3%* of women in the UK are totally happy with their body - 90% actually get depressed because of it - but if every woman understood, accepted and loved herself (just as she is) and focused on eating for health and vitality not weight loss – what could we do with all that energy, liberated from its 31 years of imprisonment? I wonder - how might our world and our lives be different? 

* Figure taken from a recent survey by REAL magazine.

I used to be a ballet dancer. Not a good one. Someone's mother said, aged 6, I had wings on my heels, which sounded nice - but when it came to official recognition, I sat heavily and consistently in the average garden. 

The examiner would give us a complicated French word to turn into movement and I hesitated to see what the other girls did first, in case I got it wrong. I was a natural follower, because I didn't want to make mistakes. Then, movement came second to words and the need to be right.

Now I dance the tango and I'm supposed to follow. It's an exercise in switching off my head, my thoughts, the words that put a degree of separation between me and the experience. The movement still comes second, but now it follows a feeling – the impulse and energy of the lead.

The tango is a lesson in allowing myself the freedom to find an almost meditative space of being in my body, without a running commentary of self-critical mind chatter – You didn't do that very well... You've done it wrong... You'll never be good enough... 

To dance, I have to trust myself and the lead I get from my partner. It's sometimes frustrating and challenging. It can also be beautiful – a flow of two bodies in the same moment. That's the part I aspire to - with the desire of that little girl who wanted to feel those wings on her heels. It's also the embodiment of rapport, subtle communication and consideration between two people. It's about interpreting music together. 

I often make mistakes, but you have to learn and swiftly move on.  That foot out of place is a moment gone and if I dwell on it, I mess up the two or three that follow. And when do those mistakes happen most frequently? When I stop trusting myself and what I'm feeling.

I have to give myself fully to the process and commit to it. If I hang on to indecision and doubt, the next step I take lacks conviction - and if I can't be wholehearted about myself, my dance partners experience only part of what I could be.

The tango is an invitation to connect with someone else, to be a part of their world and to share my own. I choose - or not - to accept, because although I'm a follower, I have my own space, my own boundaries and my own sense of self. I also have to keep my own balance.  

I can enter into this relationship with a sense of pride, confidence, strength and passion or I can be small, apologetic and mouse-like – which would you rather be?

Of course there's so much more to learn and hours to be spent on the dance floor to give my movements the confidence I want them to have, but in the meantime, I just have to forgive myself for my weaknesses, give myself credit for what I do best and enjoy the dance, wherever it takes me. 

Image gratefully borrowed from visualvamp.wordpress.com

There's a new talk on ted.com from Matt Cutts, an engineer at Google. It's called 'Try something new for 30 days'. 

His point is simply this: the next 30 days are going to happen, and there's nothing we can do about it. They'll either fly by or drag, but in that time, you can create something good – and do it every day, for the rest of the month. 

He suggests doing something you've always wanted to do. Now personally, I've never really had any lifelong ambitions. After a brief spell as Britannia when I was three, I wanted to be a cowgirl. Then a nurse, because of the upside-down watch, and then a teacher. After that things got a bit woolly.

Now, however, there is something that I want to give some attention to – but rather than it being something I've always wanted to do, it's actually something I've always been, initially in the making, but now more fully realised... I'm talking about being a woman. 

So for the next 30 days, that's what I want to give some time, focus and thought. What does it mean to be a woman? How are femininity, femaleness and womanliness expressed - and how important is gender in self-expression?

Your thoughts would be much appreciated, so please comment, share and retweet. I much prefer the sound of my own voice when it's accompanied by other people's, male or female.

And in case you're interested, here's Matt's TED talk... 
It's just over three minutes (no time at all in the broader scheme of 30 days!)

Because of the kind of people and organisations I follow on Twitter and Facebook, my timeline is often a constant stream of quotes and sayings - meaningful, motivational extracts of other people's judiciously applied words. Occasionally, I'll pounce on one that I'd like to have said if I'd been witty or wise enough. 

For example, this evening: 
"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing, there is a field. I will meet you there". That one caught in the net. 

I don't know exactly what Rumi meant, but to me, that says liberation, the idea of freeing yourself from judgement and finding the space to connect purely and simply, in forgiveness and acceptance. Beautiful. 

However, most of the time all these valuable thoughts just flow past me with, at most, a skim read. And I know that means there's probably a whole heap of wisdom just falling off the bottom of my screen - but this is the problem: when it comes to quotes, sometimes there are just too many of them. Line after line of mindfulness that, after a while, becomes meaningless white noise. 

And then I see dead people. That timeline is full of them. Wise, but dead. And it's a little like being in solitary confinement with a very well-written book to read.

Now don't get me wrong - I love quotes. I have a folder full of them and a good one appears like illumination in a sloeblack, crowblack sky… Mostly they're quoted by someone I admire for the powerful, seductive, expressive way they create shapes with language.

But there are times when that online deluge creates something of a feeding frenzy and gathering 'great quotes' and adding them to a collection becomes more important than taking them on board. This is when quote watching is more like waiting for a beautiful butterfly to land so you can stake it with a pin and put it in a box on the wall. 

Words need the room to breathe, to live, to fly. This takes time and space which they don't get when they become a flood. 

Simply put, the more I am told, the less I hear, but when I take the time to feel something, it lingers, unfolds and connects with something inside me. There is so much wisdom in the world, but sometimes creating space, without words, is the best way to let the knowledge you have take shape. 

However, if I had to choose between having that background noise of illumination and inspiration or not, I admit I'd take the background noise. 

There are times when those inspirational quotes appear with the frequency of fireworks on bonfire night - but I like fireworks. If ever I do something important in my life, I want there to be fireworks. And so why not have the written equivalent on an ongoing basis? 

OK, so sometimes the rocket will misfire or fail to catch, but I'd sooner have a good supply of words designed to inspire and motivate than a set put together to ridicule and belittle. I'd rather have quotes about love than headlines of frustration and anger and I'd rather have a backdrop of positivity than an ongoing moan. Really, there's no contest.

And today, as it often is, my favourite quote is this one from Anais Nin: "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom". Because it means something to me. 

But really that's all these quotes are ever about - helping us identify a little bit of ourselves that we want to acknowledge and be proud of.

What would it be like if beauty came without constraints? 

Think of the possibilities for happiness if we could allow it to become limitless, unconfined by the length of a leg or the shape of a face... 

How would it be if we could feel it within ourselves - at least most of the time - and not need someone else to prove it's there? 

What if we owned and were responsible for our own beauty and lived it out on a daily basis?

When I was five, beauty meant something shiny - platinum blonde hair that sparkled in the sunlight like it did on television, my mother's evening dress and her squeaky, shiny black patent shoes - and my own smaller, rounder versions - were objects to be adored. I watched my feet as I walked and thought they were beautiful.

When I was a teenager, beauty was about a flat stomach. I used to turn sideways to the mirror every morning to make sure I had one. Everything, I decided, looked better from the side, more beautiful when seen in profile. By halving myself, I became more - according to the standards I set myself. Of course, I was considerably less than I am now. I weighed less. I had experienced less. I knew less. 

Now I'm 37, beauty means something else. It's not just visual - it can consume all the senses and, in its most powerful form, it really does. True beauty stirs emotion - a feeling, often an incredible happiness, which starts inside and radiates out, often bypassing thought and existing purely kinaesthetically. 

Psychologies magazine have just launched the Positive Beauty Manifesto. It's a good idea (and one that I assume more high profile men would like to be supporting, not just Trevor Sorbie!)

I'd like to think that Positive Beauty is the kind that exists without the time stamp that can make it tomorrow's out of date fashion. It has the shape of reality, of three dimensions, of imperfections. It has the tangibility and depth that comes from the presence of confidence, self-esteem and balance. 

While beauty will always remain to a large extent in the eye of the beholder, it is also possible to feel beautiful, to be beautiful from the inside out. That's the kind of beauty that creates not just a visual impression but a fully-realised version of who you are - the one that comes with warmth, charisma, energy, passion, inspiration. 

This is the beauty that can make you stand out in a crowd - and hold its attention - the beauty that will draw people to you, that will inspire love, admiration and affection, not just the need for association.  

It's the kind of beauty that doesn't need someone else to make it valid - it'll work for you when you're alone. You own it. 

It's a good beautiful to be.

I've just come back from one of The School of Life's Sunday sermons. I was greeted at the door by the Devil, who, should you ever meet him, will be instantly recognisable by his full-body, tight red lycra cat suit and prodigious height (at least 7', although I was wearing flats…)

The speaker was Sir Ken Robinson, one of the world's leading thinkers on creativity, education and innovation. With eloquence, warmth and humour, he talked to us about passion - and how important it is to find and nurture your own. 

The upshot of this entertaining and illuminating 90 minutes was that now, as I write, I feel full - alive, optimistic and more determined to bring to fruition the plans that I have been evolving over the last year. 

The laughter and inspiring words were a reminder of just how much potential there is to be grasped, how much it is possible to achieve when you tune into the things that really make you tick.

And by the way, feeling full  - in a good way - remains something special for me, something I feel privileged to experience. This is because I've spent a while trying to get it into my life (without the aid of carbohydrates). 

During my twenties and early thirties, I lacked focus, direction and clarity. I wasn't peaceful. Actually, I was full of unresolved emotional turmoil. I was looking for something, but I didn't know what - and whether you lose something or long for it, the emptiness can be just as profound and destructive. 

Nobody had ever asked me that most simple and illuminating of questions: 'What do you really want out of life?' I'd certainly never asked myself. Without a goal, I was making the best of a series of wrong situations, but it wasn't sitting comfortably. That sense of an absence persisted in the background and my life, looking back, was small and limited. 

Self-knowledge, spiritual food for thought and emotional nourishment were what filled the gap inside me and now, in the main, keep me buoyant, inspired and excited. 

For me, fullness means completeness, contentment and focus. It's a warm feeling that brings energy and the sense of being fully alive. This is just my definition. You've probably got your own.

I feel full when I am being most myself, when, in Ken's words, I have found my 'Element'.

The Element is "the place where the things you love to do and the things that you are good at come together". It's an invitation to explore potential in a different way - to invite passion into the complex equation of your life and let it solve a few things.

I've never been a great mathematician, but that adds up for me.