I got an email today from the Advertising Standards Authority inviting me to a public debate entitled Too much, too young: Are advertisers sexualising childhood? It's a question that needs to be answered, inside and outside the ad break…

Kids have always been exposed to sexual imagery, although now it seems more commonplace and explicit than before. Our fears lie in the fact that we know that the constant repetition of certain images or scenes creates a benchmark for normal behaviour - and kids do copy what they see…

But as a child, you don't process sexual images the way an adult would. Kids watched Saturday morning Tiswas for the custard pies, fathers watched it for Sally James in a tight t-shirt. Our frame of reference is different and a lot of the sexual images that adults are aware of go over a child's head.

However, children are also drawn to things of a sexual nature. They track them down on parents' book shelves, in bottom draws and in secret stashes of magazines. Perhaps you remember your own childhood curiosity, particularly once puberty kicked in? Children are sexual beings too, even if we don't like it and they don't understand it...

However, it's confusing and potentially frightening if their curiosity is too easily answered by readily available footage of hard-core gang bangs.

Our children live in a sexualised world - that horse has bolted and we can't force the contents of Pandora's box back inside. This means that yes, we should try and limit their access to scenes of an inappropriately sexual nature (who decides what is inappropriate is a separate debate) but we must also give them a context for everything that will inevitably slip - or be pushed - through the net.

They need to be able find a comfortable level of understanding for what they see, separate fact from fiction and get the information they need to make the right choices about their own bodies. 

Because there's no clear, consistent and thorough approach to sex education, there's a randomness about the scraps of knowledge our young people are accumulating.

In one of my research groups earlier this year, a number of the Year 9 group had picked up on a 'fact': women are extra horny (sic) three days of the month. That was it. There was no context for this and no sense of when those three days might be. It was a mysterious and somewhat perplexing half truth.

This is the kind of thing that doesn't necessarily get covered in sex ed - one of a thousand little questions that may not even get vocalised - and really, it's not such a difficult question to answer, is it?

Of course, other issues are more complicated. Addressing the fact that most of those 13 and 14 year olds had watched porn on their mobile phones is one example - but you know what? We can't pretend it's not happening.

If we don't step in and give them guidance, support and information, they will be getting their knowledge from pornography, music videos, tabloid newspapers and magazines that seem to have put gender equality on the back burner - and aren't at all reticent when it comes to shouting about their own particular brand of full frontal, objectifying and often misogynistic sex. These voices desperately need a counterbalance.

Our young people should be able to join a dialogue that raises the profile of respect, self-awareness and positive body image. They should be hearing a voice that talks about freedom from stereotypes, freedom of expression and freedom to be physical when you're ready for it, in a way that feels comfortable, safe and exciting. Yes - exciting. Because if you're going to be having sex, shouldn't it be the best sex possible?

We should be encouraging their questions, giving them a forum to learn with honest answers that aren't full of prime time or late night sensationalism and misplaced embarrassment.

How do you really know when you're ready for sex?
What should sex feel like?
How do you become a great lover?
Is my body 'normal'?
Sex hurts. What should I do?

We need to answer those questions - and many more besides.

Parents need advice on how to raise the subject and discuss it with their children. It's not an easy thing to do because when we get into the real nitty gritty of sex, it is all about emotions, beliefs, and very subjective, personal experiences.

Teachers need the support and training that will give them the confidence to provide sex education that ticks all the boxes - something they didn't necessarily sign up for.

And finally, we all need to remember that sex can be the most powerful, unifying, beautiful, passionate, loving experience on the planet - and who's telling our kids that?

"Why talk about being a woman?" he asked me. "Wouldn't it be better to think about yourself as an individual? Why set yourself up with the potential to become a stereotype or a generalisation?"

Well, it's something to think about. I don't want to suggest in any way that women (or groups of women) are all the same. The gentleman I was talking to had a point - of course, we're all unique, we all have our own map of the world. To generalise is merely an exercise in simplification and, as much as that makes life easier, it also leads to all sorts of nasty oversights.

So I will just write about my experiences of the day. I was on a Tantra & 5Rhythms workshop. I don't do this every Sunday, but I've had experiences of both before. If you're not familiar, follow the links - there's plenty to read about. 

For now, I'll just say that today, from 9.30am to 6.30pm, I've been in a large dance studio with about 60 people, half and half men and women. We have indeed danced, and also been silly, honest and quiet in an amazing environment that created sensuality, self-expression, respect, openness, gentleness, some crying and shouting and enough laughter to make it a great place to be. 

I'm exhausted and feel like I've been hit by a truck, but I feel calmer, more grounded and more in my skin than I have in ages. 

I experienced some amazing moments of emotional intimacy, with men and women - women who made me giggle like a five year old and with whom I felt welcome, safe, comfortable, nurtured, strong and balanced. An equal and an opposite. 
 
There was also a point during the day when were invited to divide ourselves into groups of men and women. This was a simple split that included gay and straight, couples and singles and twentysomethings to fiftysomethings. And it was obvious then how much gender matters. 

Expression became more vocal. It seemed that in that single sex space, people felt they were able to express themselves more confidently. There was a celebration of male or female that happened naturally, without inhibition. It felt a little primal, a little raw. There was pleasure and power to be found in bonding in this way. 

I don't think I'm pushing any boundaries when I say that there is recognition and understanding between people of the same sex - or at least an assumption of its existence and the subsequent support available, which is often borne out. 

When that takes the form of today's expression, it's an incredibly positive experience. It's about feeling connected and creating anchors in a world that can be confusing, complicated and even downright catastrophic. 

That's no bad thing.

"Why talk about being a woman?" he asked me. "Wouldn't it be better to think about yourself as an individual? Why set yourself up with the potential to become a stereotype or a generalisation?"

Well, it's something to think about. I don't want to suggest in any way that women (or groups of women) are all the same. The gentleman talking has a point - we are all unique, we all have our own maps of the world and to generalise is merely an exercise in simplification. And, as much as that makes life easier, it also leads to all sorts of nasty oversights.

So I will just write about my experiences of the day. I was on a Tantra & 5Rhythms workshop. I don't do this every Sunday, but I've had experience of both before. If you're not familiar, follow the links - there's plenty to read about. 

For now, I'll just say that today, from 9.30am to 6.30pm, I've been in a large dance studio with about 60 people, half and half men and women. 

We have danced, been silly, been honest and been quiet in an amazing environment that created sensuality, self-expression, respect, openness, gentleness, some crying and shouting and more than enough laughter to make it a great place to be. 

I'm exhausted and feel like I've been hit by a truck, but a happy one. I feel calmer, more grounded and more in my skin than I have in ages. 

I can also say that I experienced some amazing moments of emotional intimacy and tenderness - with men and women. There was one beautiful, playful, passionate woman in particular, who, within the dance, made me giggle like I was five, and with whom I felt protected, supported, strong and beautiful too - an equal and an opposite. In the company of these women, I found a sense of being nurtured, safe, accepted, welcome. I felt connected.

There was also a point during the day when were invited to divide ourselves into groups of men and women. This was a simple split that included gay and straight, couples and singles and twentysomethings to fiftysomethings. And it was obvious how much gender matters. 

Expression became more vocal. It seemed that in that single sex space, people felt they were able to express themselves more confidently. There was a celebration of male or female that happened naturally, without inhibition. It felt a little primal, a little raw. There was pleasure and power to be found in bonding in this way. 

And I don't think I'm pushing any boundaries when I say that there is recognition and understanding between people of the same sex - or at least an assumption of its existence and the subsequent support available, which is usually borne out. And when that takes the form of today's expression, it's an incredibly positive experience. It's about creating anchors that steady and support us in a world that can be confusing, complicated and at times, downright catastrophic. 

That's no bad thing.